


Haiku Collection

by Aen_Silver_Fire



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 21:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7547167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aen_Silver_Fire/pseuds/Aen_Silver_Fire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata Toshizo holds a very secret and precious collection. At least it was secret up until Okita Souji decided to mess with his Vice Commander's mentality. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haiku Collection

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot was inspired by some of the Drama CDs of Hakuouki. The gist is roughly the same, but the situations the characters find themselves in are altered.

"Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san. . ." the voice intoned and a –only at first unrecognizable- man's shape slowly rose on the surface of the closed paper door.

Hijikata released a heavy, weary sigh and slowly put down his tea.

_This_ was the last thing he needed, after a night so cruel as to deny him the simple, _so simple_ and yet so desired, right he – at least _presumed_ he still retained- to sleep. The black shades under his sharp purple eyes testified the hours of misery he had to be submitted under, only hours ago.

In all honesty, he was rather reluctant to allow Souji into his room. As a matter of fact, he had _absolutely no_ intention of letting him enter. Thus, he dared not speak. Who knows, maybe the Gods could be kind and benevolent enough to take him under their good favor and deter this insufferable and impertinent brat from. . _. what he just did._

He slid the door open.

"Souji, what the hell do you think you are doing?" he growled, anger slowly oozing from every fiber of his body. "I never gave you permission to enter." _Not_ that he did not expect Souji to do something as rude as this, but. . . seeing him actually doing it was a whole different story.

"Ne, Hijikata-san," he started and allowed his -seemingly innocuous- eyes to roam around the Vice Commander's room for a second."Why are you cooped up in here? Isn't this day wonderful? I was wondering if-"

"Answer my freaking question!" Hijikata pressed, hands slowly balling into ferocious fists.

Souji blinked repeatedly in a manner so ridiculously innocent that had Hijikata consider _and reconsider_ again if the right course of action was to pummel the boy to death.

Until Souji finally put on his favorite –hellishly impish- grin. "I thought we were past such formalities, Hijikata-san. You should rejoice, ya know. Entering the room uninvited in order to see _my favorite person in the world_ means that-"

"Don't screw with me!" he spat out and Souji furrowed his eyebrows, drawing his mouth in a very peculiar way that could have passed as a badly-designed smirk. _Equally impish,_ if you asked Hijikata Toshizo. But he was determined to take none of his fake cajolery. "Tch, you already ruined my morning! What do you want?"

Souji only pouted. " _I,_ "he pointed a finger towards his chest "ruined your morning? My apologies, Hijikata-san. I do not really understand what I did, though."

"Souji. . .!" the veins on his forehead began to be painfully visible as they pulsated under the rhythm of a suppressed anger, that was soon to explode out of him. "I cannot deal with you now." he raised a hand on his forehead, trying to calm the screeching headache that threatened to overwhelm him.

Okita raised his hands placating-ly. " _Ma, ma_. You surely are in a foul mood today, hm? I just came to greet ya." Hijikata's only response was to crackle his joints, but Souji responded with a wide smile of partially covered joy nonetheless. He waved jovially. "So, have a nice day, _Oni Fukucho_!"

And he was out and gone before Hijikata could finally vent out his anger.

_That Souji_. Something. . . _something_ was out of place and irked him beyond belief. The ebony-haired man pinched the bridge of his nose in indignation.

Souji does not simply come and say "Have a nice day!"Not to mention that the brat's green eyes lingered inside the room one split second more than they should normally have.

_Souji, what have you done this time?_

* * *

 

"Toshi, I think you are overreacting."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes into dangerous slits. "No. I am _perfectly serious_. I am _perfectly calm_!" he insisted, but Kondou only shook his head. "Damn! I have scolded him so much already that nothing gets in his ears. And he talks back all the time, which makes it impossible to communicate."

"He is simply teasing you, Toshi." The Vice-Commander's eyes darted towards his superior only to glare at him furiously. "That's because he _cares_ for you," Kondou continued. "He is just a child. I personally find this his way of acting towards Toshi cute."

"Cute? _"_ he parroted in disbelief. _"Cute?_ Whose? Souji's? Please, Kondou-san! It's finally time you stop treating him as a mere child. He is not just a brat anymore! He is a man! He doesn't get to have any excuses!"

"But-"

"You are way too lenient, Kyokucho!" he accused and Kondou could do nothing but bow his head under his Vice-Commander's fiery gaze. "He is a total nightmare! He deserves the 'Oni" title more than I do!"

"But, To-"

"And he does _not_ care about me! He is just giving his utmost into making my life a living hell! He is set into doing that from the very moment he met me. It's like he _freaking enjoys_ seeing me miserable!"

"Hijikata-kun," Sannan called for their attention, his voice calm and steady, collected and serious as always. Toshizo turned to properly regard him. "I agree with your arguments about Okita-kun. But, correct me if I am wrong, Okita-kun has done things to your way worse than opening the door without given permission. Why is it that you raise the problem _now_?"

Hijikata found no words to correct or counter this statement. He had no proper answer to offer, even after contemplating seriously over it. He crossed his arms over his chest and allowed a sigh to escape his lungs. When finally. "I. . . have a hunch."

"Toshi!" Kondou sighed and shook his head disapprovingly, raising his gaze and locking his eyes onto his trusted friend. "Now you are the one acting childish. Why do you accuse Souji only because of a _hunch?_ "

"It's _far deeper_ than that," Hijikata tried to explain and balled his hands into fists. "I know that he has _done something._ I am damn _sure_ of it."

_You should have seen the way he looked inside my room. Like he was expecting something ridiculously interesting to pop up,_ he mentally added to himself.

"And when I find out what exactly that is, I promise you, there is going to be _hell_ to pay."

* * *

 

"I don't understand what you are trying to do," Saito simply said and sipped the last of his tea.

Souji slowly turned to regard him. "Me? I am not trying to do anything, Hajime-kun." But, Hajime gave him a side-ways glare. "It's _true_. I am not trying to do anything. My job is already finished, you see."

Saito sighed. "Souji, it won't do you any good to anger Fukucho."

"Of course it _will,_ Hajime-kun," Okita exclaimed as if he stated the most obvious thing in this entire world. "It's the greatest pastime I've found in a while."

* * *

 

"The operation is to commence tomorrow morning. The Second Division will head northwest and apprehend the ronin that have taken refuge there. Should the apprehension fail, Shimada is to report to Yamazaki immediately. From then on it's the Third Division's turn. Am I making myself clear?"

"Absolutely, Fukucho," Saito steadily responded.

Nagakura crackled his knuckles."Aye yo!"

"The Tenth will provide backup for the Second. The Eight will cover the flank of the Third Division."

"Got it, Hijikata-san!" exclaimed Heisuke.

Harada bumped fists with Nagakura at his right and turned to the Vice-Commander. "Leave it to us!"

Toshizo resumed."The First Division will head to the main street with the aid of the Sixth. Understood?"

"Clearly, Toshi-san." Inoue smiled and nodded once affirmatively. But no answer came from the other Captain in question. In fact, his silence was more than unnerving. It made Toshizo's hair stand erect in dread of what was to follow. Whenever Souji was silent in his presence, it only spelled trouble.

Hijikata exhaled wearyingly. "Souji?" he pressed.

From the opposite side of the room, Okita offered one of his usual grins."I understand perfectly, Hijikata-san. You want me to slay the bastards. Of course I will follow our Fukucho's orders. I'll kill them and be done with it in a blink of an eye. I can lever lose to a sword to sword battle against ronin, you know that," he proudly declared.

_Then why, pray tell, are you looking at me so devilishly?_ Hijikata thought but dared not voice out loud. He only raised one questioning eyebrow.

"Souji, you know there is more to it than just slay the ronin. Didn't you pay attention to Toshi's explanation earlier?"

"Of course I did, Kondou-san."

"Then, _what_ is it?" Hijikata nearly growled, his ire gradually becoming more and more palpable.

"Okita-kun, Hijikata-kun explained our plan and the battle's layout in detail. Is there something you failed to understand?"

"I already told you. I understood everything about tomorrow perfectly, Sannan-san." Souji paused for a second. "I was just amazed that I managed to understand Hijikata-san's words right away and _so_ easily. He can be very complicated at times, you know."

Toshizo's breath came out labored, laced with –not at all subtle- waves of irritation."What is this supposed to mean?"

"Ne," Souji hesitated for only a second. "For example, what "spring night is so hard to pass without a friend to talk to" means? It's too hard for me to understand."

* * *

 

He prayed. He prayed for an auspicious day. He prayed and hoped that this beautiful sunrise would be a most kind harbinger that would only herald fortunate events for the Shinsengumi generally and for himself personally. He desperately needed something _good_ to happen and lighten the atmosphere. Those last days were nothing but torture. They may have succeeded into capturing the lawless ronin, but Shinsengumi's troubles do not exclusively lie on the task of protecting the Capital. And for Hijikata Toshizo in particular the problems in his life had already started forming a menacing pile very long ago. A pile he was currently unable to deal with. After all, managing such an organization, and dealing with each person's _crazy whims -_ he tried to block a _certain person_ from coming to his mind _-_ was no simple task.

"Fukucho?"

And so his prayers were heard. He even thought of clapping his hands in mirth and joy.

Thanking the heavens that _this_ voice was the one to ask and claim his attention and _not someone else's_ , Hijikata slowly veered only to meet Saito's characteristic blue eyes. He had to pull a stray strand of hair behind his ear in order to properly face him. The -just until the day before soft- breeze today morphed into an, fortunately still weak, gust of wind. If no troublesome situations arose to haunt him, though, Hijikata Toshizo was positively certain he could even deal with a typhoon.

"Did you need something, Saito?"

Hajime released an -up until then forgotten- breath before he decided to speak."May I inquire Fukucho about something?"

"Hm?"

"I find myself unable to understand something," he paused to meet the Vice-Commander's beautiful purple eyes. "I was wondering if, perhaps, Hijikata-san could offer me an explanation."

Hijikata did not need to hesitate. "Sure. Ask away. What's troubling you?"

"It's about a line I came across the other day. I was told you were the most suitable person to inquire about."

Hijikata raised an eyebrow. _A line?_

"Even if only one plum blossom bloomed, plum blossoms are plum blossoms."

Cold sweat enveloped the infamous Oni Fukucho's body. He could almost hear his frantic heartbeat threatening to gallop out of his chest. He could hear his own breath drumming into his ears.

"Be it one or two bloomed, plum blossoms are always plum blossoms. I believe that part is obvious. What is the meaning behind this line?" Saito innocently asked, eyes veiled with pure, clear puzzlement.

"Wh-where did. . . you-" Hijikata tried to articulate unsuccessfully _."Souji!"_

* * *

 

Lately a very despondent look had settled itself onto his features.

He had no excuse to offer.

In all truthfulness he never meant to do what he did. He had _no idea_. He couldn't have known what a simple inquiry could be able to induce. Thus, his mind was now swirling with many thoughts and worries.

It was not long after he met Okita's Division during patrol that he decided to bright forth the problem that plagued his mind the last couple of days. This needed to be addressed soon. He never meant to anger his superior. His –know he understands, idiotic- question was pure and completely innocent. He had no way to know that this was just a part of a master- plan designed by none other than the man now walking at his right.

"You tricked me."

As soon as those words were paid, troubled green eyes darted towards his side. But Hajime did not turn to battle those eyes with his. His gaze was locked forward.

"I can assure you, Hajime-kun, I did not such thing ever in my life."

Hajime closed his eyes for an infinitesimal moment. "I should not have read it. Why did you give it to me? Why did you tell me to specifically ask Fukucho about it? You knew it was something he did not want me to learn about."

Souji scratched the nape of his neck apologetically. " _That_ I knew."

Many moments elapsed. But none dared to speak to each other. They were seemingly focused on the task at hand. Protect the streets of Kyoto. But, finally, Saito was unable to withhold another question that greatly troubled his mind.

"What if Fukucho thinks that I was the-"

"Relax, Hajime-kun." Souji placed his hand on the shorter man's shoulder. "Hijikata-san _adores y_ ou. That's why you were perfectly suited for the task. Hijikata-san surely knows what truly happened. I have no doubt he is well aware that _I_ am the perpetrator."

Saito's brows furrowed. "Why do you sound so pleased?"

Souji cackled."Because I wanted him to know."

Saito couldn't help but sigh."Why?" he asked once more.

"Why you ask?" Okita brought a hand to rest under his chin. "I have already told you. Well, because it's simply too much fun."

* * *

 

"Give it back."

Okita blinked once and wore his usual lackadaisical mask. "Give _what_ back?"

Hijikata exhaled. Inhaled. Exhaled. There was no use into losing his temper now. "Give back what you took without my permission."

"Hmm? And what would that be?"

"Souji! Enough is enough!"

"Hijikata-san, if you don't speak clearly, I cannot understand what you mean. I am not as smart as you, you see."

"You know perfectly well _what_ I am talking about. Geez, Souji, you are not a kid anymore! Stop acting like a brat and give it to me!"

"If you don't tell me what to give you back, I am afraid I cannot oblige. For example if you want me to give you my hakama or virginity, I am truly sorry but I will have to decline."

Hijikata's eyes threatened to venture out of their sockets."Are you even _listening to yourself?_!"

Souji laughed sardonically.

"Souji, this is beyond ridiculous! Give back my-. . ."

Okita raised an impish eyebrow. "Your _what,_ Hijikata-san?"

Toshizo gritted his teeth menacingly. His knuckles turned white from pressure and he was sure that, at this rate, soon his lips would probably bleed too. Because he needed to _bite_. To bite something in order for this . . . _indignation_ to go away. But he could not sink his teeth into Souji's neck. It would mean that he stooped to his level. And that Hijikata Toshizo would never accept.

"My. . .haiku. . ." he managed to say, voice barely audible.

"I am sorry. I failed to catch that. Could you repeat?"

_This brat. . .!_

"My Haiku Collection, Souji! Give it back to me!"

Souji managed to inhibit his poignant laughter only at the last moment. "Aha! You must be talking about the _Hogyoku Haiku Collection,_ " he suggested. "Very nice nickname by the way."

Suddenly disembowelment seemed an all too marvelous idea.

"Yes," Hijikata reluctantly agreed. "Give it."

Souji pointedly stared at the Fukucho's stretched hand and soon his eyes flicked back to the owner of said hand. "I am sorry to say . . . I don't have it."

He almost exploded. _Almost._ There was no way Souji~

"Like anyone else would take it."

"Hmm, Hijikata-san, you will be surprised. Many people can appreciate your writing talent, ya know. People far better educated than I. The Hogyoku Collection is much better off my illiterate hands."

"Cut the crap and give it to me."

"I'm telling you, I don't have it."

"Souji, this is no laughing matter anymore. Give it back."

"Really? I think it is."

"Souji!"

"Hijikata-san, is it really so hard to believe me? I already told you. I do not have it."

"Then who does?"

"Right now? It's not really my place to know. But, if I had to guess, I would say, Shinpachi-san might have it."

"Shin-Shin-Shinpachi. . .?"

The green eyed samurai had to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing his lungs out.

* * *

 

"Don't you think it's time to stop playing with fire?" Saito finally questioned.

Souji's eyes flicked back towards his companion. Well, things did not turn out _exactly_ as he planned, but. . . he was rather satisfied with the outcome. It was the rest of the Shinsengumi officers that were less than pleased. To be perfectly honest, they were _pissed_.

The moment each man took hold of the legendary Hogyoku Haiku Collection, they had absolutely no idea what would later ensue. It was like a bug; a bug you should do your utmost to steer clear from. But neither Hajime, Shinpachi, Sano, or Heisuke could possibly have predicted what could happen when Hijikata Fukucho was informed that the said Collection passed from hand to hand in the Shinsengumi Headquarters.

Soon, a pile of problems arose.

" _Nagakura, where do you think you are going? You are not allowed to visit Shimabara."_

" _Why not, Hijikata-san, we haven't done an-"_

" _Shut up! I said you are forbidden to go! You are a Captain! How do you think this behavior of yours reflects on the Shinsengumi's image_? _"_

_._

" _Heisuke, why does your haori have splotches of blood and dirt on it?"_

" _Oh! It does? I had no idea, Hijikata-san. I thought I had it cleaned up and-"_

" _Take responsibility for this shame! You are a Captain! How do you think this behavior of yours reflects on the Shinsengumi's image_?"

.

" _Harada, why is your spear here?"_

" _Hm? I always put it here, Hijikata-san. It's obviously kinda hard to put it inside the room."_

" _You idiot! What if someone happened to stumble upon it in the middle of the night and got hurt? Be more responsible_! _You are a Captain! How do you think this behavior of yours reflects on the Shinsengumi's image_?"

.

"This time your antics spelled trouble for a great deal of people. Stop being an ass and apologize to Fukucho."

"Tsh."

"Souji!"

"Why should I apologize when I do not feel sorry at all, Hajime-kun?"

Saito sighed."Listen, Souji."

"Hmm?"

"Please do not irk him again. You don't have to say things that bother him so. Especially in front of us all."

"Oh, that's too much to ask of me, Hajime-kun. For me to not say anything in front of him is like asking a fish not to swim."

"I don't understand your reasoning. It looks like you're purposefully choosing words that irritate the Vice Commander the most. Why would you do that?"

"About that, I was meaning to tell you. Hajime-kun topped me the other day. Your question was more than I could have asked for. I couldn't have done better with any question asked on purpose. 'What is the meaning of this line?'. Oh, I wish I was there to see Hijikata-san's face."

Hajime rolled his eyes. He absolutely refused to replay that scene of dread in his mind again. "And? Are you pleased with yourself?" he scowled, jaw clenched.

The answer was more or less already clear. No one could ever be pleased to be punished. No one could ever declare that he enjoys being grounded like a child, sitting in his room and doing nothing, just because he was irresponsible and childish enough to anger his superior.

And yet the answer was not the expected. Not at all.

"Oh, I am very pleased."

But those words of Okita's were -unfortunately for him- heard from the occupants of the room right next to theirs. From people confined in the very same annoying way as Hajime. After being stupidly tricked to participate into a game none would ever want to have anything to do with in the first place. But Souji was merciless. And his machinations and schemes almost gave off a very bellicose feeling. Because one who insists on angering Hijikata Toshizo is probably a man wishing to be entangled into a never ending War.

"When I get my hands on you, I will destroy you, Souji!"

Okita scowled. "Not you too, Shinpachi-san. I get enough threats from Hijikata-san as it is, you know."

"Do whatever you want with Hijikata-san. But why did you tangle us into it too?"

"Shinpachi, there is nothing to be done. Calm d-"

"If you ever think of telling me to calm down, I will punch _you,_ Sano."

"Shinpachi-san, there is no use yammering. You just missed a night in Shimabara. Big deal."

"This was not just _a_ night! I had a freaking date, ya know!"

"Hm. You will have lots later. Stop whining! It gives me a headache."

"Easy for you to say, Sano! You are already popular! I have to struggle to-. . ."

Souji felt a nudge on his ribs. He slowly turned to look pointedly at Hajime. The pale man's nod could be interpreted in only one way. Okita let out a sigh and finally decided to pacify Nagakura's spirit. After all, his goal was to irk Hijikata-san and only Hijikata-san. The rest were just _collateral damage._

"Shinpachi-san, if that makes you feel better, I am truly sorry for dragging you into this and I am sorry you missed your date."

"Yes. You better be sorry!"

"That's why I am going to recite you our Fukucho's haiku to make you feel better. I have them all memorized, so don't ya worry."

"Wait, Souji!"

_"Souji!_ Don't you dare. . .!"

**Author's Note:**

> *Fukucho: Vice Commander  
> *Kyokucho: Chief  
> *haori: jacket  
> *hakama: a traditional Japanese garment worn much like pants  
> I think that Hijikata's and Okita's relationship is one of the most interesting in Hakuoki. They know each other for a long time, ever since the early days of Shieikan, but let's not forget that Souji is Souji and his personality does not fit at all with the intelligent and decisive Hijikata that always has everything under control. Not to mention that Souji feels very competitive towards Hijikata because of his close relationship with Kondou, who Souji adores. He knows that he can't provide Kondou what Hijikata does, so he is somehow set into making his life miserable. Revenge against his rival! Oh, how right you were Hijikata-san. Making your life a living hell is indeed his goal!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
